So back on Valentine's Day this year, I found out that my boyfriend was cheating. Full disclosure, it wasn't like he was actually having sex with other people, but he was entertaining them. It broke my heart and it still does, but I stayed with him. I know to some people that might sound naive, but I'm choosing to love, despite the pain. I want to say I forgive him, and I think I do, but it's still hard. I'm still very angry at times. It isn't something I'm inclined to admit, but I've snapped on more than one occasion trying to get over the whole thing.
But now I really am scared. I have a plan.
Four months later (to this exact day), I've decided to ask him to try something with me, without any guarantee that it will actually work. I've told him that I want to have a real sit- down with him, where I can ask any and all of the questions I've had, to try to get some closure. I told him that I expect to be hurt by the conversation, but that I'm under the impression that it will help me in the lon- run.
Am I afraid to lose my temper? Yes.
I know it might sound a bit insane, but I'm almost hoping to get my feelings hurt. Ultimately, I know that once I'm hurt, I'll know the final truth. I'll stop wondering, and I will finally be able to mend (I hope). I need to know if I really should stay or not. That's the only part he doesn't really know about yet. He's going through a lot, but my issues with the past are really not helping either of us. It's going to be hard, but it needs to be done.
Update: I'm about to go talk to him now apparently. Wish me luck.
